Moral Freedom

Moral Freedom

Moral Imagination
To me, moral imagination is the ability to envision a life unbounded by the safety nets that William Deresiewicz refers to (comfort, convenience, security, predictability, and control). These safety nets often come into play as we grow older, as we are highly expected to adhere to "the way the world is supposed to work".

The question Dr. Cohen asked in class had a huge impact on me: "What did you dream about when you were more free? What did you dream about when you were a child?" Because in some ways, I still am a child. I haven't set foot in college yet. I haven't felt pressured to enter the workforce yet. So while I have been able to be morally courageous up until this point, I realize that it will only get harder from here. And that's why, now more then ever, it is important for me to continue to be morally imaginative and courageous. I need to continue to make sure that I'm making decisions for the right reasons - not just because they are laid out for me, not even because they're what I've always wanted. Constant re-evaluation is the key.

What does this have to do with speaking?

When I signed up for Speech-E110, I also signed away my safety nets. Forcing myself (someone who previously hated public speaking) to take a public speaking course meant that I was leaping way outside my comfort zone. By choosing to speak about suicide, I knew that I would be sacrificing some control of my emotions during the speech. The decisions I have made without safety nets have made me much stronger and have made me grow.

Looking back on my past, I have realized why I am prouder of some things than others. The things that I am proud of - that I remember the most - required either moral courage or imagination or both. How come I am prouder of being a Celtics fan than graduating from high school? Because graduating from high school was a path laid out for me. Of course, it required "aptitude", "diligence", and strength, but no imagination. Whereas, I've grown up and been pressured by those around me to not waste time watching basketball when I could be doing something productive. I've had to stick up for my irrational, childlike obsession with basketball because it makes me happy.

Moral imagination and courage are the foundation on which I need to continue to build my life. Only if I am not afraid to step away from my safety nets will I be truly proud of myself. In only two weeks, Speech E-110 has painted this lesson for me so clearly that I am now ready to embody it.

How My View of Speaking Has Changed

How I View Speaking (Before and After)

Speaking & Leadership
I came into this class thinking that I needed a course less focused on leadership, and more on "just speaking". I couldn't have been more wrong. One of the reasons I struggled with speeches in the past is that I used to think of "speech" and "leadership" as completely different entities. What I realized during the two weeks at Speech E-110 was that a speaker must be a leader in order to be effective and powerful. When I approach a speech with a leadership mindset - knowing that I can change minds and hearts, believing in myself and in my message, being comfortable enough to take risks without the fear of failure - I can feel myself being more powerful and confident. I feel myself being less nervous and more energized.

Envisioning
Before: I had adopted the mindset that public speaking just "wasn't for me". I wanted to go from rock-bottom speaking skills to mediocre speaking-skills. I had just wanted to be proficient at speaking. Now, excellency is in my vision. I know that this two-week course is only the beginning of my speaking journey, but the ridiculous amount of progress I have made in such a short time makes me confident that I have the ability to become a great speaker. This, until now, was something that I didn't think was possible. Public speaking is just like anything else - an art. It is something that must be practiced. And fantastic public speaking skills are attainable for anyone who works hard to achieve them. Having "excellency" in my spectrum of possibility is a beautiful thing, for which I owe you huge thanks.

Facing Fears

Second Speech

Deciding to talk about suicide and self-harm was an excruciating decision. I had never shared my story before, and admittedly do feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of discussing it. In fact, prior to even giving my first speech, I had decided that it would be the one topic that was off-limits.

Vulnerability
During the exercise where we "gave a note" to a partner while staring into their eyes, Coreena's tears showed how incredibly touched she was by her partner's gestures. During the group speeches at (the Harvard theatre), Tery teared up when talking about her own struggles and triumphs during the course. My classmates' openness with each other was inspiring to me, and convinced me to at least consider the idea of speaking about suicide and self-harm.

Consideration
As classmates asked me what topic I was going to select for my inspirational speech, I tentatively replied with "Suicide prevention - but I'm not sure yet." Almost everyone who heard my reply volunteered a personal story for me about a relative or friend who had gone through depression or a suicide attempt. Once again, I was taken aback at the openness of my classmates. Hearing my classmates' stories also confirmed something that I had already known: the commonality of the problem of depression was disproportionate to how little it was spoken about. As a leader, it was my responsibility to do my part to change that.

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Looking at my speaking outline after delivering the first sentence of my speech

The words "Believe in your message", "Select a topic that matters to you", and "Ooze passion" from the previous couple of classes resonated with me. They didn't seem as much like specific instructions, but a general mandate of true leadership. Every experience I had gone through in class pointed me to the topic that would challenge me the most. I decided to trust and fully embrace Dr. Cohen's advice from the very first class: "Talk about something you're passionate about."

I practiced my speech well and knew what points and ideas I needed to hit, and in what order. When I stood up to give my speech in front of the class, however, I felt a shift occur. As soon as I said the words, "On October 10th, 2012, [Amanda Todd] killed herself", I didn't know what to say next - even though I had practiced it many times. It wasn't because I was nervous. It wasn't because I blanked out. It was because I was completely engrossed in my message; because I wasn't thinking, butfeeling. At that moment, I knew I had made the right decision to speak about a difficult topic. As I said in my speech, "Bravery is uncomfortable." But due to what I had learnt and experienced during class, I was able to overcome that discomfort and give a speech on a topic that meant the world to me.

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Important Firsts

Persuasive Speech

A default speaking setting of mine: clasping hands

Watching back my speech, I wasn't crazy about the musical quality of it. I started off with "Um". Some of the pauses sounded forced. Some of the hand gestures seemed clunky. I clasped my hands. Some of the prancing back and forth was distracting.

All these things made me ecstatic. Yes - I was thrilled! The fact that I had been able to step outside my comfort zone of one dynamic, one rhythm, standing in one spot, was a major accomplishment for me. Never mind how effective or non-effective my movement and musicality were - the important thing was that I was starting to experiment with them. Never mind that I kicked off my speech with "um" or that I clasped my hands often- the important thing was that I was now aware.

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Alumni Dinner

A significant "first" in my life occurred at the alumni dinner. I willingly volunteered to speak in front of a group of people. Even if it only was for a couple of seconds, it was huge for me. It signaled a shift that had begun to take place in my mind - a shift from associating public speaking with "fear" to associating public speaking with "fun". A shift from thinking that I couldn't to knowing that I could.

Speech Order

After my persuasive speech, a classmate asked me how I had felt about presenting first. They told me, "It must have been nice to get it out of the way!" My reaction to this statement a couple weeks ago might have been one of agreement. But in that moment, I realized that I was no longer a person who wanted to get a speech "out of the way" or "get it done with". Instead, I was someone who now thought of a speech as an important message to deliver - a journey in of itself. My hesitancy in answering my classmate with a resounding "yes!" was an indication that after just one week of class, I had been changed by the magic of Dr. Cohen!

The Beginning

The Beginning

As I scanned the Speech E-110 course description, I thought to myself, "A professional speaking course isn't for me, because I'm nowhere near that level." I was convinced that I needed a more amateur speaking course. One that didn't focus on "[mustering] the courage to lead" or "[changing] hearts [and] minds", but rather on getting used to speaking in front of a large group. It didn't matter to me what I talked about, or how I talked about it - I just wanted to get used to the physical sensation of being in front of the classroom, talking for a couple of minutes.

The first volunteer of the class was Crystal. She introduced herself as a "psychology major" who "just graduated from college". After her introduction was done, Dr. Cohen approached her and whispered instructions to her. The second time she introduced herself, she talked about how she worked in a "lab the studies suicide" and overall, seemed to exude a glow that was missing the first time. As Lima so eloquently stated at the end of class, it was magical to see what a tremendous difference was there between Crystal's two introductions, with just a little bit of valuble advice from Dr. Cohen: "Talk about something you're passionate about." I could clearly see what a difference passion could make in a speech. Little did I know how much faith I would have to put into this advice a week later.

Three hours passed in a blink, and I found myself wishing that class could have extended another couple of hours. Seeing as I'm the type of person who sometimes can't sit still or focus for even half-an-hour, I was sold. The passionate and high-energy nature of the class had completely gotten me hooked.